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the need to banish "dark energy"

Today when I was playing my drum, I asked myself a question: Am I just enjoying the pleasing vibrations of the drum or am I trying to receive something else? I find it very beneficial to ask difficult questions because the answers often are pretty shocking.

And today's answer was strange and incredible as well. I immediately heard a thought that stated: “I am vigorously playing my drum to rid myself of some dark energy, that is foreign to my body”.

So what was happening in reality? I was experiencing some form of emotional discomfort. It was not pleasing to say it to myself that right now I am creating this uncomfortable feeling. Of course it's much easier to find something outside that harms me. To separate myself from my own discomfort is what I have done my whole life i.e. I call the discomfort “the dark energy” and thus I can now blame it by it's cruelness agains “me the kind and light one”

With such a position I immediately obtain the following 2 bonuses:

  1. I deny my responsibility that I am the one who creates my own discomfortable feelings.

  2. I get a kick out of my feeling of righteousness

yes, it's a paradoxical game of my own consciousness with myself: in order for me not to acknowledge how my own beliefs are pushing me into a state of anxiety.

Instead of trying to figure out why am I experiencing this accustomed state of anxiousness which actually came from fear to be castaway from my mortgaged home. Now that I have relocated to Russia I have incredible opportunities all linked with freedom, but I used to live in fear to be homeless for 12 years. Therefore I can't just suddenly stop feeling such deeply rooted anxious state. Yet still in my mind the capitalistic stressful world is pulling me back into it's deadly claws. That's why I can not see all the awesomeness of nature and expansiveness of my surrounding reality.

So why does it seam to me much easier to separate from myself my own aspects, calling them “evil energy”? Why is it easier for me to mystify my fears instead of letting them go by understanding their mechanics.

What would've happened if I continued to play this insane mystifying game? From such a “blaming life” position I would've never made such a multitude of clear steps towards freedom. I would've just stayed in a paralysed state constantly blaming deadly-claws-capitalistic-life.

This is what my banging on a drum this morning was all about - to banish the “evil energy” away from myself. When we let go of idea of searching for the guilty one, then we stop playing the “ping pong game” of blaming ourselves as well as our outer reality. Because of this our problems will be transformed into solvable tasks.

Thus said, the necessity to “banish the dark energy” is birthed from a wish to find something to blame.

We wish you freedom from the blaming paradigm so we can all open the door to colourful multifaceted life full of potential.

From Russia with love, Alosha & Zoya

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